On this Mother’s Day, I want to share what I wish all mamas with littles would embrace.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Taking care of yourself is critical. What’s your first priority? You’ll tell me your kids. What kind of mom do you want your kids to have? I want my kids to have a mom who is joyful and giving. The only way I can be these things is to fill my own bucket so that I have something left to give.

I have felt exhaustion and burnout. I’m a working mom of 2. I’ve done the not-taking-care-of-myself and I’m not going back. That mom yelled a lot and was too exhausted to enjoy playing with her kids.

I so deeply want my daughter to take care of herself when she grows up. I do not want her to give all of herself and have nothing left. She learns how to take care of herself by watching how I take care of myself. I tell her where I’m going when I’m leaving her with her dad or a babysitter to go exercise, ride my horse, take a walk by myself, or visit with my friends. She used to be upset about it when she was younger, but now it’s just normal. It’s good for our kids to have time with the other caring adults in their lives.

Now I make sure to put my own needs on my list, not just the needs of my family. This has taken me time to figure out. Now I know that I’ll be my best self when I get enough sleep, have some alone time every week where no one needs me, exercise at least 3-4 times per week where my heart rate goes up and the endorphins flow, get adjusted regularly, and get outside every day. These things make me feel like me. Then I return to my kids and feel like I have something to give.

You are worth it.